ROBO-BLOG

2006-08-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

>_

WELCOME-TO-ROBO-BLOG

RETRIEVING-MESSAGE

AUTOMATED-ROBO-POST-RETRIEVED

ROBO-BLOG-REGRETFULLY-(AND-AUTOMATICALLY)-INFORMS-YOU

PATHETICITY-IS-NO-LONGER-UPDATING

AUTHOR-UNIT-CAN-ENDURE-NO-LONGER-ABYSMAL-ART

HOWEVER

AUTHOR-UNIT-CURRENTLY-SEEKS-ARTIST

UPON-PROCUREMENT-OF-WILLING-SUBJECT

PATHETICITY-WILL-(HOPEFULLY)-RETURN

ROBO-POST COMPLETE

>_

2006-02-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

Page one will appear to-morrow, and page two shortly thereafter! I feel really good about this! I am having mood swings.

2006-01-31T17:46:00.000-08:00

There is not going to be any dang Tales of the Burger Tsar. Yet. I am going to do the dang Chapter 3--pretty dang soon. I have the scripts for enough stuff to get going. I just need to get out of this thing I'm in. I seem to be in what we in what we call "The Biz" call a "rut." I need some chocolate, or something.

2006-01-29T13:45:00.000-08:00

Okay before I do Chapter 3 I'm going to do a little something in between! To flesh out the setting, or something. It will be called "Tales of the Burger Tsar," and it will be pretty great, even though it will involve the FoppyKing and Kolin Chasm characters and their friends instead of Jab and his friends. Coming sooner than you think.

2006-01-19T05:38:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
FOR ALL MY FANS

FoppyKing and Kolin Chasm have both told me it's okay if I don't make a little comic about them, but rather INSERT them into CHAPTER 3 as minor (but very funny!) characters. The exact nature of these minor characters is a SECRET.

On Chapter 3: I have the scripts for 8 pages now. 8 pages of 12 panels each is like SIXTEEN of the former 6-panel strips. Those were strips. These are pages. Preliminary outlining indicates that there will be something like twenty pages, so we're at... 40%. We should make a little status bar, like Piro used to have, before he just decided not to update at all.

Chapter 3 promises to be prettier and better than Chapters 1 and 2 combined! We now enter Patheticity: YEAR TWO.

2006-01-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

I am not kidding you even in the slightest degree when I say that I am about to release PATHETICITY ACTION FIGURES. I am totally serious. I am as serious as a Supreme Court nominee. I am releasing Patheticity action figures, and they will cost you only a PENNY, and you will be able to instantly recieve them over your internet connection.

Just click HERE
http://saxamaphone.fobby.net/?t=getfile&id=8887
(pdf, 664 kb)

Or HERE
http://saxamaphone.fobby.net/?t=getfile&id=8886
(jpg, 1.2 mb)

And print the picture out.

Then fold the paper in half.

Then cut out each of the characters, leaving some room around their feet.

Then glue the insides (If you don't know what side is the inside, I don't know what to tell you) together, except for the little room around the feet.

Then glue the little area below the feet to a PENNY, to provide stability.

Then send me pictures.

ACTIONS SHOTS SOON!

2006-01-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

I'm going to make it official and say that Patheticity is on HIATUS (say: "Hi, Atticus!") until I figure out Chapter 3 completely. I did almost all the scripts for Chapter 2 beforehand and it turned out really great, so I think that is a good direction to go in.

Terms to define:
HIATUS

Discussion questions:
Why is Ryan postponing the strip? Would you have done the same thing if you were Ryan and you had a ton of stupid school stuff to worry about? Why or why not?

2006-01-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

Happy new year! Happy nude year.

The winner of the Patheticity Ohnorobot Transcription Contest is:

KOLIN CHASM
AND
FOPPYKING

Chasm and FK were the only people besides me to submit any transcriptions, so they totally win a short little comic with them in it!

Now, there are 39 comics transcribed, which means there are like 60 comics that have not been transcribed. GET MOVING.

Coming soon: other cool stuff!

2005-12-30T18:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry, but there haven't been comics lately. This is because I have a dang ton of stuff to do, and also because I am lazy. There will be a new comic tomorrow, I think. That should be fun.

The new comic will end Chapter 2, "Snatch," which means that it is time for Chapter 3, "Stuck." I am thinking about storylines and such, lately. I am thinking about Chapter 4, and also kind of about Chapter 5. I actually have more of an idea with where I'm going with Chapter 5 than I do for Chapter 4! Isn't that wild? Like, I am pretty sure Chapter 5 will include the phrase "know your enemy" in a rather humorous, if mysterious, context.

If this post seems kind of dead and lacking in my usual zest, it is because I am kind of dead and lacking in my usual zest.

2005-12-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

TRANSCRIPTION CONTEST UPDATE:

Kolin Chasm has submitted FIFTEEN transcriptions, all of which have been approved after I fixed the mistakes.
This other guy has submitted TWO transcriptions.
I personally have submitted THREE transcriptions, putting me in second place for my own prize.

GET-ON-IT! You've only got like twelve days left!

Also buy the Ryans Calendar at www.ryancomics.com!

2005-12-17T12:31:00.000-08:00

More OHNOROBOT news, I guess. I was just notified that the brilliant disembodied heads behind OHNOROBOT have added some new features to enhance transcriptions, and I figured I'd notify you, the readers, of them, the changes.

Basically, they have added TITLES, SUBTITLES, CHARACTER NAMES, META-COMIC INFORMATION, and SOUND EFFECTS. I don't feel like explaining them, considering it's really easy to figure out. Allow me to steal the example I got from Ryan North:

[[A woman sits smocking in front of her television]]
Narrator: Meanwhile, on the moon...
Woman: I am so, so bored of television.

[[An exterior shot of a house exploding on the surface of the moon]]
Narrator: Suddenly, boredom leads to DEATH!
<>

{{title text: This is a comic I did about a woman on the moon}}
{{subtitle: If you're on the moon, you could use this comic, probably.}}

Italics mine. I think this is obvious. The person saying the line is: before a COLON, sound effects are put in <>, explanatory information is in [[double straight brackets]], and titles/subtitles are in {{double curly brackets}}.

DIGRESSION: I was just thinking that maybe I should start calling the curly brackets "homosexual brackets," but maybe that's a bad idea. Actually, that is definitely a bad idea.

Here are some tips on using these new tags when transcribing Patheticity comics: Don't use the title text or subtitle text brackets AT ALL, except maybe on the chapter title pages, I guess.

When using the description brackets, just be sure to mention anything that's going on that might be important. Complete sentences might be a bad idea, I think. "[[snow tree cold purse]]" might be a good description for a panel sometimes. Something like that.

When comics include little "notes" that are not obviously written dialogue or sound effects, such as Comic #49 where a little note says "PLEASE EXCUSE THIS ART", or when the narrator starts talking about the guy in the bathroom smoking, then please note the speaker as either the "artist" or the "author."

Here is how you know whether it is the artist or the author speaking: The artist's comments are written in. The author's comments are in Bank Gothic MT or some such font that looks black and boxy. If you don't get this perfectly right all the time, dont' worry, because I totally check all the transcriptions I get before they go in the search engine. If you mess up, I WILL KNOW.

And I will happily fix your mistake for you!

RIGHT BEFORE I BAN YOU FROM THE INTERNET.

Other note! So far, there are six transcriptions in the Patheticity OHNOROBOT database, which is like 0.06%, which is sad and pitiful, especially considering three of those transcriptions were added by MYSELF. The other three were added by my good buddy KOLIN CHASM. So, I think I'm going to have a contest! From now to New Year's, add as many dang transcriptions as you can muster, and be sure to specify a name in the field where it asks for your name. New Year's Eve, or possibly the following day, I will reveal who has submitted the MOST TRANSCRIPTIONS, and that person will win a fabulous prize in the form of some sort of personalized comic strip!

I'm totally serious!

2005-12-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

"Back in the swing of things" my eye! I suppose I should apologize. Okay:

Sorry.

New comic TOMORROW. Also tomorrow, if I did this right, some interesting buttons are going to start showing up on archived comic pages. These buttons are OHNOROBOT buttons. See, Ryan North and T Campbell, both of who are awesome webcomic people whom I totally thought were cool before they were all famous and stuff, so I'm Indie, but I digress, made this search engine for webcomics.

The idea was that the readers of the comic would read the comics, then write up transcriptions of the comics, and then the creator of the comic would say "That is a good transcription," and then the transcription would go into a WEBCOMIC SEARCH ENGINE. The name of this webcomic search engine is OHNOROBOT. Needless to say, our own ROBO-BLOG is pretty jealous!

I-AM-NOT

Haha! Stop kidding yourself, ROBO-BLOG! It's okay to feel a little jealous of a hyperintelligent robotic internet utility that's far superior to yourself! It's human nature!

I-AM-NOT-A-HUMAN
HUMAN-EMOTION-IS-A-SIGN-OF-WEAKNESS

Gee whizz, ROBO-BLOG. Obviously you have some issues you need to work out!

Okay, so: Transcribe comics WELL, as soon as you're able, and I will make more comics! Have a good afternoon!

2005-12-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess we might be back in the swing of things! Maybe.

I thought I should let you know that there is a new Ryan Veeder Answers Your Questions coming up pretty soon. If you have any questions you'd like to have answered in RVAYQ, the ROBO-BLOG comment feature works nicely.

Also, Kolin Chasm of Unreality Check (http://unrealitycheck.keenspace.com) did a great big plug for my comic, so it's only fair that I should plug his. He's not as handsome as me, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't check it out.

2005-12-03T15:00:00.000-08:00

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY I'm a bad person!

I will make new comics!

Soon!

Sorry!

2005-11-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you why there aren't new comics! There aren't new comics because I left my USB data key thing with all the uploading software on it at school! And I'm not about to go back to get it. They hate me back there.

So just hold your horses!

2005-11-17T18:18:00.000-08:00

ROBO-BLOG-MESSAGE-FOLLOWS

TONIGHT
MIDNIGHT
SITE-REVAMP-GOES-UP
EXTRAS-PAGE-FIXED
IMPORTANT-THINGS-PAGE-REPLACED-WITH-BRILLIANT-FAQ-COMIC
CAST-PAGE-SLIGHTLY-ALTERED
MAIN-PAGE-NOT-AS-STUPID

ALSO

NEW-COMIC

GOODNIGHT

2005-11-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

I still don't have access to the computer I need to use to update with comics, so you're going to have to wait A LITTLE BIT MORE.

A LITTLE BIT.

2005-11-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

And a week later: STILL NO COMICS. Sorry, man.

But last night, I drew two and a half comics, which, added to the half comic I drew a few days ago, is THREE COMICS. These will soon be telepathically beamed to your computer screens.

Also, I am working on a little extra thing to replace that stupid IMPORTANT THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW essay. I think I am going to turn that page into a sort of Answers to Reader Questions column, except I'm going to make up the first question.

*SPOILERS*

The first question comes from PEDRO in IDAHO. The question is: How does "time travel" function in the Patheticity universe? (I thought of this whole thing while watching Back to the Future III on MoviePlex.) The answer may suprise you!

*/SPOILERS*

Okay so! Look out for new comics! Coming your way!

2005-11-08T09:23:00.000-08:00

I would like to apologize for not holding up to my promise of a comic on Monday! I have yet to get back into the SWING of comicing, and plus I need a new sketchbook to hold all my draw-rings.

I think I'm going to do a little something extra for you guys! I think!

2005-11-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

OKAY I'M SORRY! I'm sorry there haven't been comics lately! I've been busy with the play. The play is like a little girl, you see? This little girl follows me around everywhere, and when I consider doing a comic, she yells and screams and throws a fit. This is not a mature little girl.

Tonight, me and this little girl have to get up on a stage and do a show for a bunch of people, including some people that I like. I have to pretend I'm much nerdier and more insecure than I really am. I have to ACT. While I act, the little girl just sings dances around and does whatever she wants. I attempt to make this little girl behave, all the time trying to stay in character, but it is in vain. She is uncontrollable!

I must dance with this little girl tonight, and tomorrow night, and Saturday afternoon, and Saturday night. After Saturday night, the little girl and I will go to a party for all the cast members to get together and drink pop and eat pizza. The little girl will follow me around even then, interrupting conversations I will try to have with cool people. I will glare warningly at the little girl, but everyone else will smile and say that she is a sweet little girl, that she and I were great up there on that black womb of a stage, that I should be proud of her, and that she looks just like me. I will scream inwardly.

Then, at midnight, I will walk outside to admire the stars. The little girl will follow me, of course, but I will not mind. As my gaze moves down from those perfect shining spheres, that dang little girl will look up at me.

And now she is growing! Her hair falls out of its pigtails! Her freckles disappear; the gleam of innocence in her eyes is replaced by the germ of cynicism. The true meaning of our charade dawns on her, and her mouth opens in sudden understanding. Puberty gives way to adolescence; standing before me is a beautiful young woman. I smile at her. She smiles back, but she has misunderstood: her aging has not ceased.

Now she is really a woman. She looks down on me and smiles again, knowing that she has gained the upper hand. But I smile broader! Wrinkles begin to spread like the branches of an old, dead tree. A gray hair falls in front of her eyes; she waves it impatiently out of the way. Now she is shrinking. Her face is small and helpless. Her eyes are empty even of malice. Her mouth opens, but only dust escapes her lips. Dust! Now she is dust. The atoms blow away into the light of the streetlamps. I am free.

Wish me luck, guys! New comics next week, I think!

2005-10-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, once again the comic postponed to Saturday is postponed to Sunday because, after I worked very hard to get it done, I forgot to upload it.

Cool thing: Patheticity is officially a comic made by a guy named Ryan! It was always a comic by a guy named Ryan, but now it's official.

2005-10-27T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's 9:58 and I'm not finished with this Biology paper yet. The comic will show up tomorrow. Maybe I should change the schedule to Monday-Wednesday-Saturday.

2005-10-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Heheh! Here's what happened Friday night:

I remembered I had to make a comic for Saturday! So I got my sketchbook out and sharpened five new pencils and lit the ceremonial candles and everything. Then I realized I had left the notebook containing all of my scripts for this storyline at school!

I began dictating a message to ROBO-BLOG explaining that the comic would not appear, because I didn't have my script to work from. Then I remembered that being very near the end of the storyline, all I had to do was remember the last comic, then the comic before that, and so on until I got to #90.

This turned out to work perfectly, because I ended up remembering most of my original script. I drew the comic! I scanned it in! I Foto-chopped it together!

Then I tried to upload it. My dang connection was down! I couldn't get it uploaded!

So the comic will appear tomorrow.

2005-10-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

Important message from ROBO-BLOG follows:

RYAN-IS-VERY-BUSY

WITH-THE-PLAY

HE-IS-SORRY

THERE-WILL-NOT-BE-A-COMIC-TO-MORROW

BUT-PROBABLY-SATURDAY

RYAN-SAYS-HE-LOVES-YOU

HE-HASTENS-TO-ADD

IN-A-PURELY-AUTHOR-SLASH-FANBASE-SORT-OF-WAY

Ryan recently reprogrammed ROBO-BLOG to put a hyphen in "To-morrow"! He thinks it's pretty cute.

2005-10-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

You guys had better watch out! You'd better watch out, because there will be comics on MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, and FRIDAY of this coming week! And then the following Monday, there will be another comic! We might be on the regular schedule again...?

Now, as far as Patheticity goes, all that is left is to get the fanart all fixed up, fix the mainpage layout, make a decent IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW essay for once, and get finished with this dang storyline.

We came through okay!